- April 23rd, 2014
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Today’s weight: 90.1kg
Success! Getting rid of those Easter eggs on my desk yesterday was well worth it. If I had given in, I probably would have fetched my cards from the safe and gotten ice cream. But instead I persevered. Although… apparently the smell of home now makes me think of ice cream. Seriously, get home, open the door, and it was a powerful reminder of all the times I’ve arrived home with ice cream to eat. It was intense.
I purchased that Academy thing from NerdFitness.com. I read all of the lessons yesterday and then looked at the beginning of the workouts section. They recommend at least twenty minutes of “conditioning” per day (seven days a week, so not only do you have to do this on strength training days, but you also don’t get a rest day!) which is some type of cardio. They had a huge list of examples of cardio you can do, but their favourite is walking.
So I read the entry about walking. At first I was thinking that I could do that in the morning on the treadmill. But then they mentioned all the benefits of walking outside, so I thought maybe I should go for a stroll after work. But then I’d have to carry my iPod and my keys to get back in the house, and maybe my water bottle… And then I read that you should ideally be walking barefoot, or as close to barefoot as possible. Argh! They recommended a type of shoe and everything. And then they also mentioned that walking up hills first thing in the morning, before food, is ideal for fat burning.
So I got myself stuck in this loop of outside versus inside walking, whether or not I should get those shoes, am I doing it wrong if I don’t get the shoes? Surely any walking is a good step in the right direction, right? So this morning I did a twenty minute walk on my treadmill, and as I’ve written this I’ve now realised that I could have done that barefoot. Oh well.
The point is, I exercised this morning. I got up, weighed myself, got dressed, put down the exercise mat, and did twenty minutes of walking on the treadmill at an easy pace with a slight incline. Then I stretched, put the mat away, showered, and got ready for work. It was awesome. I can totally establish this as a new habit. I just need to ensure I get up at five every morning and the rest should get easier and easier the more I do it.
After I get into this new habit, the next thing to do is introduce strength training, which is my favourite type of training. The problem is that due to the twenty minutes on the treadmill, doing my strength training may make me late for work. I guess I’ll just have to try it and see. I can always get up even earlier (eek, 4:30!) or choose to start work later. But hey, maybe soon I will have a different job which will start later anyway.
I’m feeling pretty happy about this all right now. I’m proud of myself for getting rid of those Easter eggs, I’m proud of myself for not getting ice cream yesterday despite the intense reminder I had while walking through the door, I’m proud of myself for drinking almost two whole litres of water yesterday, and I’m proud of myself for doing my twenty minutes on the treadmill this morning. That’s a whole lot of proud!
I have to admit though, I lack confidence when it comes to doing exercises with proper form. I’ve never gotten the hang of the squat, so I usually use a fitball against the wall to do those. I’ve also now learnt just how deep a lunge is supposed to be. And push ups don’t seem to be as easy as I thought they were either. I’m thinking it might be worth using a personal trainer once or twice just to oversee my exercises and ensure that I’m performing them correctly.
My husband and I have discussed getting a rug. The worst part of exercising for me is the assembling and disassembling of the exercise mat every morning. It’s in eight jagged pieces which fit together and it sits in a tight little spot between the couch and the bookcase. That being said, it’s a really good exercise mat, nice and thick so it provides good support for any exercise where I’m kneeling or on my back. But I hate putting it together and taking it apart.
So my husband pointed out that if we got a nice, thick rug, I wouldn’t have to use the exercise mat anymore. Previously I’ve been against the idea of getting a rug as I like our nice tiled floor, but maybe getting a rug would be a good idea if it provides enough support for exercise. I hope we can agree on a design.
Today is my job interview. I’ve been thinking about it on and off since getting the call for it, and I honestly cannot work out what kind of questions they are going to ask. I mean, an interview is usually a one-on-one deal where specific questions are asked of you. What is going to happen during a group interview? Do they ask the same questions and have each of us answer in turn? Honestly, I’m really sceptical about this method of interviewing for a job. I don’t imagine that it will go well.
I haven’t heard about the public library job yet. After reading my entry yesterday, my husband pointed out that it sounded like I would be really unhappy in a public library. I don’t know. There are aspects of it I would like, and aspects that I think I would prefer to stay away from. I have no idea if the negative aspects of the job would be all-consuming, or if I would be happy just to be in a library again.
My husband suggested that a good way to work out if I would like to work there would be to go and visit the library during the day. I could see what kind of customers they have and scope out the environment. It sounds like a good idea.
What I really want to do before working at another library, I think, is to somehow be happy in my current job. I know that if I am unhappy at work, that changing jobs won’t solve it. There is something fundamentally wrong with me if I can’t be content with where I am working at the moment. Especially given how nice this job is.
I’ll be finishing work super early today to attend my job interview, then afterwards I think I will probably go home and write and/or read. It would be nice to be writing again, I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve really been able to sit down and work on a piece of fiction. But I guess reading will be just as good. I’m glad that I have been able to do this now. Reading is important to me.
I also see my new psychologist today. At some point I should probably stop calling him my new psychologist and merely refer to him as the psychologist. I’m actually a little worried about today. My old psychologist works in the same building as the new psychologist, and the only day she is there is Wednesday. I am worried that I will run into her and that it will be awkward. And if my sessions with the new psychologist continues to be on Wednesdays, that only increases the chances that I will run into her eventually. Curse my methods of ending it. If I had ended our association in person, I probably wouldn’t be so stressed out by the notion of running into her.
I think today that I will talk about my job in counselling. I really want to be able to be happy in my current job, especially if the library jobs fall apart and I don’t get either of them. I may well be here for another two years, so it would be nice if I can find a way to be happy with what I do. There are seriously so many reasons that I should be happy here.
- I got to dictate my hours, meaning that I start and finish early with plenty of room for medical appointments (and non-medical ones like getting my hair done).
- I say good morning and goodbye to my team and the manager of another team every day.
- My boss knows that I suffer from depression and is totally understanding if I feel I need to go home early or work from home due to it.
- I am coding, which is something that I kind of enjoy.
- I am in a position of great responsibility.
- The pay is good enough to cover the mortgage and pay for my education.
- I have a parking bay, which combined with my early hours makes getting to and from work easy.
- I get to keep Daleks on my desk.
- There is a water dispenser to refill my water bottle with clean water.
- I get to attend a meeting almost every week (meetings are a great way of passing the time).
- I can do whatever whacky stuff with my hair I want.
- There is casual wear on Fridays.
- There is a social club that runs activities and other IT staff are friendly enough to invite everyone out for lunch every Friday.
- My boss understands that I’m not an expert and helps me out when I need assistance.
See? Plenty of reasons for me to like it here. And I know that when I was unemployed, coming back here was my ideal job. As for the things I don’t like about my job…
- I don’t like doing support, even upper level support like I’m supposed to be doing.
- I don’t enjoy troubleshooting bugs.
- I’m not interested in IT at all.
- I don’t really enjoy “problem solving” coding.
- I don’t feel that my work takes enough of my attention, leaving me to sit and stare at the time and wish I could go home.
- I’m not confident about my ability to troubleshoot problems.
A much smaller list than the positive one, to be sure. But isn’t the negative list more fundamental to my happiness? Shouldn’t I be passionate about the work I’m doing? Shouldn’t I enjoy the tasks that I perform on a daily basis? Don’t I deserve to be in a role that makes the time fly past?
This is something that my husband and I discuss regularly. I have mentioned before my fears that I will never find a job that makes me happy. There is part of me that is scared that I will land a library job, do work that I find interesting, but still find that the time just drags by. Maybe there is no such task that takes all of my attention. Sure, writing this blog entry does, but nothing else seems to fit the bill.
I am pretty damn nervous about this job interview. A part of me is still convinced that to work in a university library is ideal. Better yet, to work in a library that is north of me so the traffic is never too bad. Parking that I can source from my own husband as he works at this university. There might be a gym on campus that I could join. I might end up doing really great work in accessioning or cataloguing books or something. I might be able to volunteer for committees again. There are so many positives to me in working at a university library again. So yeah, I’m nervous because the interview might suck and I might end up with nothing.
I also had a weird sensation yesterday. From the time I left work, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Specifically, I had the feeling that I was going to drive down the entrance of the parking lot and find myself cornered by a car coming in. I know, it’s a very specific wrong feeling, isn’t it? But it persevered all the way home. And to make matters worse, I got paranoid about staying in between the lines as I was driving, which I think makes me scared of crashing into other cars. It was pretty horrible.
I don’t believe in any form of magic or sixth sense or anything, but a part of me can’t help wondering if it’s somehow a premonition. Today especially, I may wind up getting trapped exiting the parking lot as I’m leaving work so early today that others may still be getting in. Or I might have a hard time parking at the university library for my interview. Or maybe I will have trouble parking outside my psychologist’s building. I don’t know, I just feel like something to do with my car might go wrong today, all because of that horrible feeling yesterday. Stupid, isn’t it?
Oh well. All I can really do is sit here with anxiety like a knot in my gut. I should do my best to focus on something else this morning so I don’t obsess about the interview. I haven’t done any preparation at all… what kind of preparation can you do for a job interview? I guess all I need to do is get my story straight, especially about the time I spent unemployed. I just hope they don’t ask for specifics when I mention that my unemployment was for “health reasons.”
All that aside, today definitely started well, with my awesome weight loss and my ability to exercise this morning. Hopefully this awesomeness will follow me for the rest of the day and I will have good things to report tomorrow. Hopefully. So nervous!